Post by seymour glass on May 27, 2012 1:50:35 GMT -8
Since I know that a lot of different people said that they were feminists or expressed some interest in wanting to talk about the topic, I thought that I would try and start a discussion. But since feminism is really such a large topic, and there's a gazillion different lenses that one can use to discuss feminism, and furthermore everyone has their own points of views about feminism, I wasn't exactly sure how I wanted to approach this. But then I decided that I would just try and talk about a personal isolated issue, and see where we go from there.
So occasionally, from time to time, for reasons completely unbeknownst to me, I choose to put myself within the company of other people. And sometimes these people are men. Now generally, I do not like to divide the world into women and men, (because gender shouldn't matter!) but rather people who I get along with, and people who seriously deserve to be punched in the face. And unfortunately these days, a lot of those people seem to be men. So sometimes, when I am at a party regulated by teen-hood, and there is terrible misogynistic music (seriously, what is it with that song Rack City?), and everyone's grinding and my social anxiety flares up, and my feet hurt because I'm wearing the socially regulated high heels, and I just want to go hide in the stairwell and pretend that I really am not here, it DOES not help when someone tells me to smile. Maybe I don't want to smile. There are a lot of reasons for this--at the deepest of the core, I suffer with depression and anxiety, but also, that song Rack City really pisses me off. Maybe some jackass just blew smoke into my face, and now my friend is drunk and she keeps hanging all over me the way that children hang from a jungle gym. And ignoring all of this, maybe I'm having a bad day or I'm tired or I don't really like these people, or I'm from New York so I don't smile--there are a lot of reasons not to smile. And what annoys me the most about this, is that all of these things are my business, and no one else's. Furthermore when did it become anyone's job to regulate my behavior? Is it really terrible that I don't smile? While I believe that humans often feel empathy, I doubt that these so-called friends (I would prefer acquaintances, but there's no Facebook group for that) really are taking my feelings of annoyance and unhappiness and making it their own. Because if they don't like the way that my face looks, then, really, they can just look away. However, at no point did I invite comments on my face, or body, the same way that when I walk outside I do not invite commentary on how I look that day. And beyond that, when did it become anyone's position to order me to smile. Commanding me to smile, like I am a dog, who's emotions and actions can be easily manipulated is beyond insulting, but I really shouldn't expect anything more. When these people say smile, they are not saying, "hey, you seem upset, are you okay?" they are saying, "smile for me, bitch, because I am clearly the authority figure in this relationship." And the problem with this is that I've never had a woman demand that I smile! I can't help but feel that this is a way of silencing my emotions, and taking away any power of having my own voice. When women complain they're bitches, hags, naggers, but when men complain they're trying to "take control of the situation." If women don't complain about the status of society, then there really isn't oppression at all, is there?
In some ways, these everyday little issues bother me way more than legislation telling me that I am a slut for wanting birth control. But what do you guys think? Do little issues like this bother you, or is really a big picture situation that pisses you off? Do you have any examples of everyday sexism?
So occasionally, from time to time, for reasons completely unbeknownst to me, I choose to put myself within the company of other people. And sometimes these people are men. Now generally, I do not like to divide the world into women and men, (because gender shouldn't matter!) but rather people who I get along with, and people who seriously deserve to be punched in the face. And unfortunately these days, a lot of those people seem to be men. So sometimes, when I am at a party regulated by teen-hood, and there is terrible misogynistic music (seriously, what is it with that song Rack City?), and everyone's grinding and my social anxiety flares up, and my feet hurt because I'm wearing the socially regulated high heels, and I just want to go hide in the stairwell and pretend that I really am not here, it DOES not help when someone tells me to smile. Maybe I don't want to smile. There are a lot of reasons for this--at the deepest of the core, I suffer with depression and anxiety, but also, that song Rack City really pisses me off. Maybe some jackass just blew smoke into my face, and now my friend is drunk and she keeps hanging all over me the way that children hang from a jungle gym. And ignoring all of this, maybe I'm having a bad day or I'm tired or I don't really like these people, or I'm from New York so I don't smile--there are a lot of reasons not to smile. And what annoys me the most about this, is that all of these things are my business, and no one else's. Furthermore when did it become anyone's job to regulate my behavior? Is it really terrible that I don't smile? While I believe that humans often feel empathy, I doubt that these so-called friends (I would prefer acquaintances, but there's no Facebook group for that) really are taking my feelings of annoyance and unhappiness and making it their own. Because if they don't like the way that my face looks, then, really, they can just look away. However, at no point did I invite comments on my face, or body, the same way that when I walk outside I do not invite commentary on how I look that day. And beyond that, when did it become anyone's position to order me to smile. Commanding me to smile, like I am a dog, who's emotions and actions can be easily manipulated is beyond insulting, but I really shouldn't expect anything more. When these people say smile, they are not saying, "hey, you seem upset, are you okay?" they are saying, "smile for me, bitch, because I am clearly the authority figure in this relationship." And the problem with this is that I've never had a woman demand that I smile! I can't help but feel that this is a way of silencing my emotions, and taking away any power of having my own voice. When women complain they're bitches, hags, naggers, but when men complain they're trying to "take control of the situation." If women don't complain about the status of society, then there really isn't oppression at all, is there?
In some ways, these everyday little issues bother me way more than legislation telling me that I am a slut for wanting birth control. But what do you guys think? Do little issues like this bother you, or is really a big picture situation that pisses you off? Do you have any examples of everyday sexism?