Post by mercy on Feb 17, 2015 21:20:57 GMT -8
Ovulation sex completely wore Alex out. She barely made it through Ash's enchilada dinner before curling on the couch and snoring. This wasn't that new for Alex - throughout college she worked herself all day, played for maybe an hour, and then basically passed out on the nearest horizontal surface. Ash enjoyed this about her - she was so fierce but she always ran herself dry. When she slept, it was just like in the way-too-cheesy romance novels that Ash liked to binge on at work. She was so innocent and so kind and she made Ash want to take care of her. So she did - she picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, laid her down, put her under the covers, kissed her forehead. And left.
It was too early for the club, but Ash texted Jessica for a hang out beforehand. In the last while, she had really become the only friend she would spend time with. The rest of Ash's friends, most of which were mutual with Alex, went to the wayside. They didn't have the insight of Jessica, the gentle touch, the kind ears. Nobody else had spoken about transgender identities with her, lectured her, informed her, challenged her.
It was too new to expose to anyone else. Ash couldn't figure out how to explain it. She also found it frustrating that she had to explain it. Why couldn't she just send out little notices to her family and friends that she would like to go by feminine pronouns now and have that be the end of it? There had to be a long-winded speech, an allowance for them to digest, to ask questions. She had to hold their hands through this. She needed HER hand held, and that's why she kept returning to Jessica.
To be honest, they didn't even steer much into transgender identities. Ash simply felt comfortable around her. Safe. Jessica used the right pronouns, moved around her with such ease, made seemingly-awkward questions into little pauses between picking up dog crap. She waved to Ash from outside when she arrived and they immediately started walking around the block with her sister's labrador.
Mundane conversations - like how was work? - freed up Ash's chest with stirring light. She didn't have to hold back at all. Jessica always bounced back with jokes, too. Plus, her position as a study abroad counselor somehow managed to have great twists each week. Her face lit up with each new kid excited about visiting a new place, and then she would swing into mentions of her own travels - of Germany, India, Italy, Costa Rica, Peru. Honestly, Ash wasn't sure where the woman hadn't been. She kept ticking off countries in a dizzy swirl. The only hard part of their conversations was the realization that she would probably be off again soon and Ash would have to go again soon.
"You have to stop using me as a safety blanket," she would say, "you have to tell someone else. Not that you don't have to be careful about who you tell, but it's not good for you to have one safety zone. Fuck, blog about it."
Ash considered it, but she hadn't been able to write ever since she became an editor. Instead, she was watching everyone around her, figuring out how she was going to tell her wife that she wouldn't be the only mom.