Coming Home (R)

[mercy]

While Jordan spooned vegan ice cream into his mouth, sometimes assisted by a particularly amused Margot, everyone else sobered up and began to turn their chatter into slow peeps and chuckles. They were magnetized to the room despite how much better they knew to head home. Ash went in and out of pestering Dani about this banning, but at a point mostly only to watch her redden ever so slightly.

Dani was the first to leave, referencing her homework and thanking for the dinner several times before exiting. After she left, it became much more quiet and Jordan and Margot left soon for bed as well. With the host and hostess asleep, Ash and Alex had to drive home, too. Alex began drinking when Jordan pulled his dessert out of the freezer so it was up to Ash to navigate the roads and avoid the potholes on the way home.

She turned the classics radio channel on to a hum and hummed along herself while Alex snored. She tried to integrate the snores sometimes, but unfortunately even awake she didn't have much of a rhythm so what hope did Ash have now? When they finally arrived home with a soft squish of their tires, Ash tried doing the romantic thing and carrying her off to bed. But that breath...

Alex managed to stay awake enough for Ash to walk her up to bed. She pulled up the sheets over Alex's shoulder and rubbed her back. She did a cute little squirm into a ball before reaching her foot out from beneath the blanket. Ash's eyes made a familiar roll.

She wasn't really tired anymore. She sat outside with a book and read for fifteen minutes with a pause at the end of each paragraph because she realized she didn't actually read it. The stirring in her chest only swarmed. The clock would tick monotonously at her if it wasn't digital. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly, but no yawns generated.

Eventually she slid next to her computer and did the regulars - check email four times, browse through news, check email again. She trickled through emails and before long she had reread Dani's paper again. Then down the rabbit hole she plunged. From one source to another, she investigated her history.

[Aly]

Dani sat in front of her laptop with her Child Development from Birth ‘til Year One in her lap. Thirty questions from the end of the chapter weren’t all that bad, she figured. This stuff came naturally to her. There were questions such as, “What color are babies eyes upon birth?” Blue. But then there were the ones that were a bit more precise: “At what age to the irises turn their genetic color?” That she couldn’t quite remember off the top of her head.

Dani sighed and reached out for her notebook behind her laptop, but found nothing but table. Where did she put that thing? After a few moments lifting couch pillows and checking behind the TV, she realized she never even took it out of her bag. Where did she put her school bag?

She let herself check her apartment three times before she gave up. It wasn’t here. Where did she last see it…? Before dinner, of course. Dani pulled her phone out of her pocket and considered texting Margot, but hesitated over her number. She was probably asleep….

Now she stared at a draft of a text to Ash: “did u see my school bag before u left jordans? I think I left it there….” Would it be weird if she text him? Maybe she should change it. Maybe proper grammar: “Hi! Its Dani. Sorry if your asleep—” Too wordy. Who said “hi” anymore? Even then, her grammar sucked. She probably got something wrong anyway.

“hey, its dani. did u see my school bag before u left jordans?” That sounded cold. Should she add a smilie? But that would seem fake…. Before she could talk herself out of sending a stupid, simple text, she pressed the arrow and turned off her screen. Why was her heart beating so fast? It was just a stupid text message.

Ding!

“Hi, Dani! No, I didn’t see your bag. Where was the last place you saw it?” Proper grammar. For some reason, she smiled at it.

“idk,” she answered, “i think by the door where i always put it but i cant find it.” After a moment of realization, she remembered stepping out of her car with her phone and keys, but no bag.

“omg im dumb its in my car im sorry lol just forget i texted u. sorry for waking u up! u can ignore me now lol” God, she sounded so stupid. Dani wiped her hands on her jeans, grabbed her car keys, and grabbed her school bag from her car. So dumb. Now she looked like an idiot.

She found herself sitting on her couch, bag untouched since she threw it on the ground, staring at her phone. No response yet. But he read it, she could see, by the check mark on the conversation. Did he take that seriously? Is he ignoring her now? Did she bother him? She must seem so obnoxious….

Ding!

[mercy]

It was odd, Ash was thinking of Dani and Dani texted her. The moment froze in time, the light of her phone blaring against her pocket and the rumble against her thigh. She imagined it was another editor, maybe Jessica checking up on her. Jessica acted kindly like that. Ash actually thought for a moment what factoid she should text back to Jessica, show her she was learning. But dun dun dun it was Dani.

“hey, its dani. did u see my school bag before u left jordans?” Ash wasn't sure what to expect honestly. Questions about Jamie's routine? How to get out of another eclectic dinner? Essay advice? She responded as quickly as possible, knowing the fear of a missing school bag from her sophomore year. The memory shivered along her spinal column.

“omg im dumb its in my car im sorry lol just forget i texted u. sorry for waking u up! u can ignore me now lol” Ash smiled and closed her phone. That had been a much better outcome than her own. A frat had been involved, a drunk ex girlfriend, and some money she still thought about when she wanted to get an extra large fries. As if it was her income and not her own unease around gluttony.

She knew it was basically over now. Dani had basically said goodnight and had her bag, the whole reason of the text, so brief and yet somehow unique. Yet as she hovered over the keyboard, ready to launch to another article about historical transgender women, her eyes wandered to the closed phone on her desk. She was up, right? Nobody else to talk to.

What should she say? Something about Chevalier D'Eon? That was probably too strong. But what else is there?

"Got your bag?" Well she tried.

"hahaha yep thanks for checking."

There was no obvious follow-up, but Ash furrowed her eyebrows and stared determined. Her fingers clicked back. "What are you doing up so late? Homework?"

"as always lol." Ash laughed suddenly.

"I remember those days."

"you seem to still have them. why are you up so late?"

"Truthfully, I can't sleep. Maybe it was the two vegetable lasagnas. They're both battling over the crown."

[Aly]

Dani hadn’t gotten any further on her homework from when she had noticed she’d left her bag in her car. She spent too long thinking about what to say, and too long feeling anxious before she’d set her phone down. Then, when she did, it’d go off, and she’d spend too long looking over the text and start the cycle again. It seemed like whenever her stomach settled, the phone went off and started off another battle of butterflies. She was just nervous about bugging him, of course. There was no other reason for this feeling.

Now she sat on her couch, legs curled up under her, analyzing another text. Ash was so fluid in his answers—but he didn’t seem bothered by her. He seemed like he didn’t mind at all, actually. Dani smiled.

“ur hosting the next dinner, rite?” she typed back. They already hosted the barbeque but she never really explored his house; it was all in the back yard, and she was too nervous to do anything wrong that she never even went inside to use the bathroom.

“Yes, I’m hosting next week.”

“will there be veggie lasagna? lol” Dani giggled to herself and leaned back into her couch, homework fully abandoned. Part of her stomach still swirled. Maybe it was the veggie lasagna for her, too.

“Lol, no veggie lasagna. Probably something normal.”

“idk alex said something about diversifying…lol.” Dani hesitated at the text draft. Was that kind of mean? As a last-minute thought, she added, “i bet it’ll be fun anyway, tho. it’s always fun with u guys.” Better.

[mercy]

Ash migrated from her computer to a nearby couch. She bookmarked page after page with her eyes flickering to her phone. Finally she yawned on the couch and held the phone in both of her hands. She stared into the blinding light as if she was staring into Dani's eyes. She held the gaze sleepily and with an unknown smile.

"Don't speak too soon. Maybe she'll want to top Margot. What could she even do though?"

Clink! "what about a vegan pot roast?"

The smile churned into a smirk. "Vegan lamb chops wrapped in vegan bacon?"

"vegan 12oz steak."

"Vegan crab legs with spaghetti and meatballs?"

It went on like that for a while. Ash didn't know for how long. Her eyelids grew weak and her pauses between texts lengthened with her ability to think of another vegan meat. She began to dream of googling "vegan meats" and "vegan dinners" and felt her phantom fingers text back. But she'd actually dozed off.

Luckily, she programmed her alarm on her phone. It buzzed wearily on the wooden floor. In her dream, it had been an annoyed moth. She swatted it restlessly until she finally came to the world. She rushed into work clothes and out the door, sliding into her seat right on time. It was then that she glanced down at her phone, at 33% power since last night. The final text was from Dani.

"vegan bbq baby back ribs."

[Aly]

It wasn’t usually so bad to wake up to a vibrating phone as an alarm. Today, though, Dani woke with a jerk. The alarm was on her face. After a few moments of disorientation, she sat up from the couch, snoozed her alarm, and blinked at the open laptop on her coffee table. At some point in the night, it got tired of asking her to plug it in and it died. Her phone beeped at her angrily, too, warning that it only had 10% battery life left. Yikes.

There was a text alert on her phone from Ash. Dani tried her best not to smile to herself like an idiot.

“Sorry, fell asleep!”

“me 2. have fun at work lol”

“You too” and—was that a smilie? When a person smiled to her face, Dani often smiled back. She shouldn’t have been grinning at her phone. Ugh, what was wrong with her? Well, she didn’t really have time to think about it. She hadn’t touched her homework and it was due tonight, actually, right after she was done with Jamie. Since she knew that the one-hour nap she had scheduled for the little tyke wouldn’t be enough for her to do it, she stretched forward for her laptop plug and began typing away. She’d have to buff out at least a little bit of it if she had any hope of getting credit.

Fifteen questions still plagued her, but her last alarm buzzed her out of the productive trance. The alarm was labeled, like the rest, except this one didn’t say, “wake up,” it said “up or no food.” This was a not-so-subtle reminder that she had exactly thirty minutes to get to little Jamie—that she didn’t have time to shower or style her hair in anything but a bun or pony tail, put on makeup or even pack a lunch, and she only had time for a bowl of cereal. It was an affective reminder. She shut her laptop, shoved it in her school bag with the charger, and flung herself into a fresh pair of clothes.

She was a couple minutes later than usual; Jordan held Jamie on his hip and bounced him, while his wife fumbled with the front door. They were waiting on her. Guiltily, Dani met up with them.

“I’m sorry for being a little tardy,” she started, out of breath from skipping up the stairs, “I had a late night.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Just got a busy day ahead of us.” Margot barely even looked at her as she said this; she typed away on her phone. Jordan rolled his eyes as he passed off Jamie.

“This is supposed to be a good sign, I guess, her being this busy this early.” He said it quietly, as if Margot wouldn’t hear. She didn’t react—maybe she didn’t hear after all. He adjusted his son into Dani’s arms; he must have dozed off for a moment, because now he realized what was going on.

“Daanii!” the toddler cried when he turned to face her. He looked really sleepy today. That would be helpful.

“Hey, kiddo.” She balanced the toddler on one hip with her bag on the other shoulder.

“We’ll see you later,” Jordan bade, and gently led his wife down the steps to their cars. She and Jamie waved at them, then retreated to the inside of the house. When she set the boy down, she applauded herself mentally. She hadn’t thought of Ash the entire drive here.

Except now she just did. Oi, it was not a good idea to develop a crush on your boss’ brother. With enough distraction, though, it would probably go away. Good thing she sucked at doing homework last night.

[mercy]

Work was work. Ash tried schmoozing with her peers in the kitchen, but most of the editors were either reserved or pompous. It took a special kind of person to make it as an editor, even assistant editor. Ash often felt she had to reel herself in from her work - from deciding on authors quickly as it became a harsh form of judgment very quickly. She could feel her mouth forming harmful phrases such as "Life's not fair" which she had always felt was a way for unfair people to get out of guilt. Thankfully she didn't deal with rejection as much as other people in the organization, but it was enough. Ash greatly preferred the other part of her job.

Around lunchtime, her mom called. Ashley let her in on the details about dinner, the vegan lasagna and such, and her mom let her know about the neighbor's kids and how her sister, Ashley's aunt, was coming along with the new place. They gabbed for a while before Ash realized she should probably talk to Teresa. Not that they were even close to a distant family, but it still felt like a while since she'd checked up on her. When was the last time - the barbecue?

Teresa had always been the most independent, though. They had originally invited her to the weekly(ish) dinners. Her work schedule continued to get in the way, however, so eventually they stopped including her in the updates. Even though Ash planned to call her after work, she still half-expected to get her voicemail. Her eyes gazed through her phone messages. She texted Teresa, asking about a good time to call, then noticed all her other abandoned messages. Most of her texts to Alex were back and forth updates and reminders - pick up milk, picked it up, there's a guy here with a braided beard, what time is the dinner? - and so on. "I miss you" Ashley decided to send, remembering not too long ago when that statement would have rung truer. But perhaps she needed to put the effort in. She was relinquishing herself to deal with her own personal issues, and perhaps in doing so she was abandoning her wife.

That night the pair had a lamb chop dinner. Teresa rang in the midst of it so they put her on speaker phone and asked all about how her current cases were and Alex did her usual poke about possible boys in her life. Ash rolled her eyes and felt Teresa's do the same. "Not really looking right now," she tried to be civil, "but I'll let you know."

"Not before you tell Mom, though, I'm pretty sure she has dibs," Ash smirked. She sensed Teresa's eyes twirl into the back of her head almost furiously. Alex playfully slapped her on the shoulder.

There was no mention of the text until after dishes had been put away. Alex leaned into Ash's back and inhaled. "I missed you too," she whispered, and a shiver curled down Ash's spine. Ash turned hesitantly, interestedly, just as Alex cupped her face and drank in a scarlet kiss. Ash released a rock of oxygen in her lungs. They melted into each other on the kitchen floor, and for a moment they were timeless.

Yet when the cold of the tile returned to Ash's skin, the oxygen rock returned. Why couldn't this go away? "What secrets do you have that you haven't told me yet?" Ash tried. "Or...what's something you think I still don't know about you?"

Alex squirmed her lips and eyebrows. "What do you mean? I mean, I don't know. Anything I haven't told you must not be important."

"But what if it is? Like..." she tried to search for an innocent example, "what if there's a song you loved in high school that I don't know about that you want our kids to dance to? We still haven't known each other for as long as we haven't known each other, there has to be stuff we don't know."